Thursday, January 15, 2015

Side Effects

I know drug dealers, I mean manufacturers, have to disclose all possible side-effects of the medications they sell, but the following lists, for Belviq, a weight-loss pill, are mind-boggling. the list is from the drugs.com site. The bolding is mine... But I have no idea what "more common" means.

More common

Anxiety
bladder pain
bloody or cloudy urine
blurred vision
body aches or pain
chills
cold sweats
coma
confusion
cool, pale skin
cough
depression
difficult, burning, or painful urination
difficulty with breathing
dizziness
ear congestion
fast heartbeat
fever
frequent urge to urinate
headache
increased hunger
loss of voice
lower back or side pain
nasal congestion
nausea
nightmares
pounding in the ears
runny nose
seizures
shakiness
slow or fast heartbeat
slurred speech
sneezing
sore throat
swelling of the breasts or breast soreness in both females and males
unexpected or excess milk flow from the breasts
unusual tiredness or weakness

Less common
Bloating or swelling of the face, arms, hands, lower legs, or feet
decreased ability to exercise
dry mouth
flushed, dry skin
fruit-like breath odor
increased hunger
increased sensitivity to sunlight
increased thirst
increased urination
itching, pain, redness, or swelling of the eye or eyelid
joint pain
loss of consciousness
rapid weight gain
severe skin rash or hives
stomachache
sweating
swollen glands
tingling of the hands or feet
trouble with breathing
trouble with sleeping
unexplained weight loss
unusual weight gain or loss
vomiting
watering of the eyes

Rare

Black, tarry, stools
chest pain
cough or hoarseness
pale skin
sores, ulcers, or white spots on the lips or in the mouth
swollen glands
unusual bleeding or bruising

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Exciting New Words

Some fun new terms I'm learning:

Pied-piping

Pied-piping is the name for the linguistic process of bringing a preposition along with a moved wh-word. Presumably the wh-word is the piper and the preposition is the rat or child.

1. With what shall we celebrate Pied-Piping Day?
2. On which day shall we celebrate pied-piping?

The opposite of pied-piping is preposition-stranding, where the preposition is left (stranded) in its original position.

3. What shall we celebrate preposition stranding with?
4. Which day shall we celebrate preposition stranding on?

Cognitively intact

It seems many drivers older than 70 (ahem) have accidents, and mostly because they are cognitively impaired (dementia, Alzheimers...). Alberta has apparently a test to see if older drivers are cognitively impaired, in which case, they don't get a licence (presumably). Those who pass the test are considered cognitively intact. Which is what I hope I am.

Vocal fry

I don't know why I've never heard of this before. It's the lowest vocal register, also called creaky voice and is apparently negatively perceived especially when used by young women. Sometimes goes together with uptalk to produce speech that annoys some older people (see Cognitively intact, above).

Amazeballs

The Oxford Dictionary, no less, has taught me to use this as an adjective...

Ojiplático

Muy sorprendido. "¿Cómo han reaccionado cuando les has dicho que te ibas?" "Pues, se han quedado ojipláticos." (con ojos como platos...)


I also learned recently that when you split an infinitive, what you're really doing is putting a preverbal modifier immediately before the verb in a to-infinitival complement clause

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Open Letter to Telus

Dear Telus,

Thank you for your recent correspondence written in Punjabi.

Like many Canadians, I do not speak or understand Punjabi. Nor can I decipher the beautiful Gurmukhi script you used. I am therefore not sure why you were writing to me, though I can guess that it might involve a desire to woo me back, after multiple problems with your service caused me to move to another provider some years ago.

I do find it intriguing, though, and a little unsettling, to imagine what prompted you to write to me in Punjabi.

I know companies like yours use complex algorithms to determine the interests, weaknesses and other characteristics of their customers, based often on information they purchase from on-line entities such as Google and Facebook. Perhaps you know from those sources that I am a fan of Satyajit Ray, the incomparable Bengali film director, and of Arundhati Roy, author of the astonishing God of Small Things. Neither are Punjabi, of course, but they are from Northern India, and perhaps you consider that to be enough. Identity by association.

If I were a little more paranoid, I might think that you also have knowledge of my cohabitation during my Winnipeg years with a Gujarati-speaking architecture student. (The script for Gujarati, used for example in Ghandi's autobiography, might be seen as superficially similar to the Gurmukhi script in which Punjabi is normally written.) Going back even further, maybe you dug up information about my paper on Firth's 1956 book on Urdu in the popular British Teach Yourself series (previously published as Teach Yourself Hindustani).

A tad less worrisome, and possibly more likely, would be your awareness of my dining at local Indian restaurants, where I am exposed to TV channels in languages you could not imagine I do not understand, and which could be Punjabi for all I know.

Whatever your reasons for supposing I might respond favourably to wheedling in Punjabi, let me assure you that, like previous correspondence in English, your letter will fall on deaf ears, so to speak. No amount of linguistic ingenuity could convince me to abandon the quite satisfactory service I currently enjoy for promised improvements in which, based on past experience, I would be unwise to have any faith.


Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Costco

So we finally joined Costco. It seems strange having to pay to be able to shop, and show your card all the time, feeling vaguely guilty; but the quality of the merchandise is really on another level, compared to all the other places we grocery shop. Produce is excellent, fresh fish too, when they have it, and bread, and cookies and chocolates, and my wife likes the clothes. Their green beans are to die for.

If you're careful, too, you don't have to buy huge quantities of everything. I balk at the ten kilos of carrots, or big boxes of mangoes. But there's lots of other stuff, single pieces of cheese, five kilos of onions, just four pork tenderloins in a pack. Though sometimes they do go overboard. Today they sent me an email with some special offers for Christmas.



That is $1,699, for a basket of chocolates. Of course, it does come with one colour custom ribbon, with colour spelled properly for Canadians, but still. How can this offer sit in the same mailbox as messages pleading for $1 to help starving children? Do emails have no conscience, no soul?

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Climate Change

I was worried recently when I discovered that human activity is only responsible for a small percentage of the CO2 produced on our planet. 

It seems we produce around 29 gigatons every year, whereas natural processes produce around 750 gigatons. How can you say we are the main reason for global warming, I thought, if we contribute so little CO2 to the total amount produced.

Fortunately, I accidentally hit on an explanation, on the Skeptical Science website, which seems to me quite reasonable. It's easy to understand when you look at the following chart published by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change:

Global carbon cycle. Numbers represent flux of carbon dioxide in gigatons (Source: Figure 7.3, IPCC AR4).

So what happens is that vegetation and land produce 439 gigatons, but also absorb a bit more than that amount, whereas the ocean produces 332 gigatons but absorbs a bit more too. This relative balance between production and absorption has been relatively stable for millions of years.

But of course, adding 29 gigagtons without a corresponding absorption, puts the whole thing out of kilter, so CO2 levels in the atmosphere are now increasing every year. (The natural cycle does absorb around 40% of what we send up, but this is not enough to prevent a steady increase.)

We are now at 400 parts per million of CO2 in the atmosphere, whereas pre-industrial levels were fairly constant at around 280 ppm. Such a change has happened in the last century or so, whereas naturally it would take millions of years.

Also just read a great post by Andy Skuce debunking climate change deniers' claims.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Reading vs Searching a Digitized Text

Interesting take on the digitization of texts in a recent article by Ryan Szpiech. A few extracts:

"David A. Bell in his article “The Bookless Future” began to muse about the “dangers” of text searching:
Reading in this strategic, targeted manner can feel empowering. Instead of surrendering to the organizing logic of the book you are reading, you can approach it with your own questions and glean precisely what you want from it. You are the master, not some dead author. And this is precisely where the greatest dangers lie, because when reading, you should not be the master. Information is not knowledge, searching is not reading; and surrendering to the organizing logic of a book is, after all, the way one learns.

[...] To view the text according to parameters defined by precise and limiting search terms is not simply to see only a fraction of the whole. (When, in fact, have we ever seen anything but a fraction of the whole?) Rather, as all text is transformed into data, the categories by which meaning is sifted and interpreted become narrower and more rigid. This changes the experience of the reader by limiting a priori the possible results, turning all books into reference books. The effects produced by this divide between reading and searching are impoverishing. David Levy already lamented in 2001, “We are now so oriented toward information-seeking and use that we have increasingly become blind to other, equally important dimensions of reading.” [...]

The reductive reading of a digital world, one in which text has become mechanically searchable, is a reading mediated principally through data. In an obvious way, this encourages a superficial engagement with writing and its significance, one directed at primary meaning rather than secondary or implied meaning, and one guided necessarily by selectiveness rather than completeness and by preconceived logical categories rather than creative intuitions developed at the moment of reading. The ossification of the categories of textual meaning necessarily eliminates the free and creative association characteristic of human thought, and yet it is such association that for me yields the intellectual benefits and the aesthetic pleasure of reading. Technology can produce larger and more elaborate data sets, but it cannot mimic the tangled and unexpected byways of insight and intuition. [...]

Just as Google Books does not simply strive to augment the reading of a book but to actually replace the reader’s book with the searcher’s book, so the ultimate goal of digital editions and digital facsimiles, I believe, is not only to reflect the “original,” to “capture” or “recapture” it, but to effectively replace it with a better image of itself. Whereas philology, the study of language history through texts, creates (like fetishism) a “desire for presence,” digital philology creates a simulacrum or iconic replacement for this presence. The injunction from Kings against graven images rings in my ears, and I choose a fetishism of the frail human object over an idolatry of the power of the machine."

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Triangle Man

Last night, I went to the Jack Singer Concert Hall to hear Jan Lisiecki, the Calgary-born nineteen year old international pianist sensation, play the Schumann Piano Concerto with the Calgary Philharmonic Orchestra.

It was a very good concert. The Calgary Philharmonic has improved tremendously over the years, and Lisiecki is a very good pianist. Maybe not as fantastic as some claim, but very talented, with brilliant technique and an impressive shock of blond hair that moves around entertainingly as he plays.

The best part of the concert for me though was the orchestra's rendering of the Dvorak New World Symphony, which I thought was outstanding. I was sitting in the left mezzanine, which is basically right next to the orchestra, and you could hear and see the different sections, strings, woodwind, brass, percussion, as they played their parts, echoing each other in various ways, each with its own voice and of course timbre. This interplay, which seemed clearer here than on recordings, was beautifully done and I thought the whole piece was exquisitely played.

The musician closest to me was in the percussion section. At the beginning of the Dvorak symphony, not having any notes to play yet, he sat on a chair and rested his right arm on a stool next to him. Probably in his sixties, balding and rotund, he was dressed like the other men, in tails and a white bow tie, but his shirt was pushed out in front by his belly, and he wore the same expression of resigned boredom as the ex-alderman for Ward 1, where we live, Dale Hodges, the sourpuss of the Calgary City Council. I imagined he might also be a little jealous of the timpani player, a younger man, balding too, but less so, who had many more notes to play on the four big beautiful copper timpani which lay directly in the gaze of his older colleague. The older colleague himself had just two cymbals and a little snare drum, as well as a music stand with what looked like a single sheet of music.

I watched this older percussionist from time to time during the Dvorak, a little surprised he had nothing at all to do. He scratched his ear occasionally, and rubbed his nose, but otherwise, he just sat there, staring ahead at his colleague, who was leaping around, banging his timpani with white pompom drumsticks and all the enthusiasm of youth. During the second movement of the symphony, the older man stood up, and I thought he was going to participate, but it was just to move from the chair to the stool, which he now sat on with the same resigned look as before.

It was not until the third movement that he moved forward and picked up a small metal triangle which had been hidden from me by the cymbals. I thought he was going to play it, but he sat down on the stool again, resting the triangle against his tummy. Then he got up again, at the end of the third movement, moved forward close to the snare drum and picked up a little metal rod which apparently went with the triangle. He held the triangle up in his left hand now, and the rod in his right. I was on the edge of my seat. Then, as the final movement started, he moved the triangle away from himself, and his belly, inserted the rod inside, and rattled it furiously for a few seconds. Then he sat down again.

Four times during the exciting last movement he got up and played the triangle, not furiously like the first time, but in what seemed a gentle, almost foppish sort of way, just tapping it lightly three or four times in a row, then standing back. You could hardly hear it above the trombones and French horns, not to mention the timpani, all of which were going at full throttle. I don't remember ever hearing the triangle in recordings I've listened to, except perhaps during that intense beginning of the last movement. Now that I know, I'll listen for it.

Now my percussionist set the triangle down and, lordy me! picked up the cymbals. We were still only half way through the last movement, and I was sure he was getting ready to contribute to some splendid crescendo. But no. Holding the left cymbal facing upwards and resting about a quarter of the right cymbal on top of it, he simply moved the right cymbal down and off, once, making a gentle swooshing sound and that was it. He waited a few seconds after this contribution, then carefully set the cymbals back in their stand and went to sit down again. Where he stayed until the end. No more triangle, no more cymbals, no snare drum at all. He didn't contribute anything to the amazing finale; he just sat there, looking serious.

I noticed though, as we were all applauding to congratulate the orchestra on its wonderful performance, that, unlike the other musicians, he clapped too, as if he felt at a certain remove, knew that the others had done more than he, and supposed, grudgingly perhaps, that he should publicly thank them for it.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Vivian Maier



Well, I apparently completely missed the media frenzy a couple of years ago about Vivian Maier. Just came across a reference to her on a friend's Facebook page.

Maier was an American street photographer who grew up in France and then spent 40 years working on and off as a nanny in Chicago where she took tens of thousands of photographs with her Rolleiflex camera. El Pais has a small sampling here.

Apparently she never showed anyone her photographs, and didn't even develop a lot of them, but now they have been discovered, after her death, they are attracting critical acclaim. More information, as usual, in Wikipedia.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Negligible senescence

Negligible senescence, what a wonderful thing! Doesn't have the same ring to it as immortality, but still.

It seems some species hardly age at all, living for hundreds of years or even millennia. "More specifically," says Wikipedia, "negligibly senescent organisms do not have measurable reductions in their reproductive capability with age, or measurable functional decline with age."

So there are clams (the quahogs: there's a word to scrabble with) and turtles and tortoises that live for hundreds of years, and can still have fun copulating (or whatever passes for copulation in a clam) after several centuries. Of course, we don't know if they have as much fun as before.

And then there are jellyfish, and hydra, and aspen trees. Some species of jellyfish are virtually immortal, because of transdifferentiation, it seems. Hydra, which are very small of course, and pretty sessile, just keep on living forever. And although individual aspen can die, the root system keeps pushing up new ones. There's an aspen colony like this in Utah that is 80,000 years old!


Thursday, December 12, 2013

The Decay of American Political Institutions

"The decay of American political institutions" is a troubling and fascinating essay just published on line by Francis Fukuyama (the American historian famous for predicting the "end of history"). Like Lessig's work on "institutional corruption", it is a sad take on the current state of US politics.

Fukuyama sees an imbalance in the American system among the three parts of government: the state (bureaucracy), the legislature and the judiciary. Where other advanced democracies give a large role to the state, the US does the opposite, constraining the state's role to an unusual extent, partly by giving the judiciary an excessive role in the implementation of policy. "Thus, conflicts that in Sweden or Japan would be solved through quiet consultations between interested parties through the bureaucracy are fought out through formal litigation in the American court system." As he points out, the judiciary is a slow, unpredictable, unelected and costly way of settling things.

In addition to this, the explosion of the influence of special interest groups or lobbyists has eroded the ability of the government to function effectively. Noting the astonishing rise in the number of lobbyists, from 175 in 1971 to 13,700 in 2007, Fukuyama has harsh words for the resulting corruption of government: "In this respect, the United States is no different from the Chinese state in the later Han Dynasty, or the Mamluk regime in the century prior to its defeat by the Ottomans, or the French state under the ancien régime."

He notes that many influential thinkers have defended people's right to form voluntary associations, seeing them as "schools for democracy" (Tocqueville). Also, because such groups are necessarily diverse ("interest group pluralism"), the argument goes, they cancel each other out and result in overall public benefit.

I like Fukuyama's take on this:

The primary argument against interest-group pluralism has to do with distorted representation. E.E. Schattschneider, in his seminal 1960 book The Semisovereign People, argued that the actual practice of democracy in America has nothing to do with its popular image as government “of the people, by the people, for the people.” Political outcomes seldom correspond with popular preferences given the very low level of participation and political awareness; real decisions are made by much smaller groups of organized interests. A similar argument is buried in Olson’s framework, since he notes that not all groups are equally capable of organizing for collective action. The interest groups that contend for the attention of Congress are therefore not collectively representative of the whole American people. They are rather representative of the best organized and (what often amounts to the same thing) most richly endowed parts of American society. This bias is not random and almost invariably works against the interests of the unorganized or unorganizable, who are often poor, poorly educated or otherwise marginalized. (emphasis mine)

Fukuyama goes on:

Morris Fiorina has shown that the American “political class” is far more polarized than the American people themselves. Most Americans support moderate or compromise positions on many contentious issues, from abortion to deficits to school prayer to gay marriage, while party activists are invariably more ideological and take more extreme positions, whether on the Left or Right.
Despite the current perception that special interest groups are mainly right-wing and corporatist, many of the most powerful ones have been what we think of as left-wing: just think of the unions and the civil rights movement. So this is not just an ideological problem. In normal circumstances, people with opposing viewpoints talk: their ideas are shaped by dialogue and communication.  But lobbyists don't talk to each other, and neither do legislators: there is little real debate in the House or Senate, just prepared statements and talking points. This leads to what Fukuyama calls a vetocracy:

I mean by vetocracy the process whereby the American system of checks and balances makes collective decision-making based on electoral majorities extremely difficult.
Unlike the Westminster system, with very few actors with a power of veto, in a checks-and-balances system like the American one, there is a proliferation of veto-wielders. As an example, Fukuyama compares the budget process in the two countries: in Britain, the budget is drawn up by the bureaucracy on instructions from the governing party, presented by the party in parliament and voted on in a single vote, yes or no. In the US, the process is so complicated Fukuyama needs two paragraphs to summarize it.

Fukuyama ends his essay with a few suggestions for change, but you can feel that his heart is not in it. His final words are succinct but depressing: "So we have a problem."


Friday, December 6, 2013

Mistakes

The explicit sex movie, Nymphomaniac, includes threesomes, sadomasochism and a penis montage (not sure if this is what I think it is). It recently caused outrage when its trailer was mistakenly shown to an audience of schoolchildren.   
Parents in the auditorium in Tampa, Florida, reportedly struggled to cover the eyes of their offspring, while others headed swiftly for the exits, as an apparent technical error saw the promotional clip for Danish agent provocateur Lars von Trier's salacious new film suddenly hit the big screen.
"They put in the filler, it looked like Steamboat Willie, the old Mickey Mouse cartoon, and then all of a sudden it goes into this other scene," grandmother Lynn Greene told My Fox Tampa Bay. "It seemed like forever when you're trying to, you know, cover a little guy's eyes. I didn't have enough hands to cover his ears too and he got the sound down real good." (The Guardian)

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Stories of Interest


The Little Village that Could: Fascinating story about a village in Andalucía called Marinaleda which has managed to create a communist-style utopia over the last 50 years is told in a recent book, The Village Against the World, by Don Hancox.

Spain is more corrupt: A recent report by Transparency International has Spain sliding way down the list of corrupt countries, to 40th spot, between Poland and Cap Verde (out of 177 countries ranked). New Zealand and Denmark came joint first. The US ranked 19th and Canada 9th. Comments in The Guardian emphasize the PP's scandals and also the royal troubles of Iñaki Urdangarin, the king's son-in-law. Apparently Spain will now draw up its first Freedom of Information Act, though it has already been criticized as not going far enough.

US Government Cheating on Pensions: An astonishingly hard-hitting essay on Newsweek shows how governments and companies are cheating workers out of their pensions, and being supported by the courts. This is very chilling reading.






Sunday, September 22, 2013

Employment rates


The employment rate of a country is in many ways a better indicator of the state of employment than the unemployment rate. For example, in 2010, the US had an unemployment rate of almost 10%, while the employment rate (for those between 15 and 64) was about 67%, according to the OECD. 

Some other figures (latest unemployment rate - employment rate in 2010):

Switzerland       3.1% and 78.6%
Canada             7.2% and 71.5%
Germany           5.3% and 71.1%
U.K.                 7.7% and 69.5%
U.S                  7.4% and 66.7%
France              11%  and 64%
Mexico              5.1% and 60%
Spain              27.2% and 58.6%
Turkey              8.1% and 46.6%

Unemployment rates are notoriously unreliable because states define them in different ways.

People who choose not to work, or have retired early, or live off their investments, or have just dropped out of the workforce and no longer seek employment, make up most of the difference between the two rates. In the US in 2010, that difference was (100 - (67+10)) = 23%. In Turkey, I wonder how the 45% difference is made up?


Favourite Quotes

I'm going to put some quotes I like here, updating the page from time to time like the "Headlines" post.

"The US is a state designed by geniuses so it could be run by idiots." (quoted by Friedman)

"It's like farting in a cheese shop: it's not the main problem." Sean Locke.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Utilities doomed by solar panels!


Fascinating post by David Roberts on Grist about how the utilities business model, in use for a hundred years or so, might be destroyed by creeping use of home solar panels.

Based on a report by the industry itself, it suggests that the electric grid might go the way of the fixed phone, Kodak, RIM and the US Postal Service. Even limited penetration of solar panels, the report says, will begin a vicious cycle in which the utilities will have to increase costs to compensate for declining revenues, thus driving more people to install solar, and so on.

Let's hope this is prescient.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Floods


The June 2013 floods in Southern Alberta, where we live, have probably been the worst since records have been kept, destroying homes and leaving people with unimaginable cleanups, in High River, Calgary, Bragg Creek, Canmore, and many other municipalities.

River flows, in the Bow, Elbow, and Highwood Rivers, were four to five times the levels of the previous flood in 2005 and around ten times normal.

Normal flow in June for the Bow in Calgary is around 200+ cubic metres per second. At its peak this year, it reached 2400.

Normal flow in June for the Elbow below the Glenmore reservoir in Calgary is about 40+ cubic metres per second. This year it reached 700.

See more statistics about the flood here.

Our house sits just above the 100-year flood plain, as shown on standard city maps. The two bottom levels of the yard, by the river, are in the flood plain and were flooded, up to exactly the top of the stairs from the second level to the main yard. There are now three or four inches of silt on top of the grass on the bottom two levels. Our house escaped, with just half an inch of water in the basement from sewer backup, which we managed to vacuum up almost immediately. We were evacuated Thursday evening and managed to return home on Friday to check for possible damage, which is when we found the water and cleaned it up. At this point there was still power. We then returned home definitively on Saturday, though the power by then was turned off until Monday.

The rest of our street, both east and west of us, was under a metre or more of water. At least one house was lifted from its foundations, just a few blocks away.

Apart from the record high water levels and unprecedented number of evacuees, there was no shortage of curious incidents like the following:

  • When it seemed the zoo would be flooded, the first plans called for the big cats, tigers and lions, to be moved to holding cells in the court building in downtown Calgary.
  • Then, when the zoo was flooded, the hippos got out of their enclosure and were very close to escaping into the Bow River. Hippos are apparently very aggressive and dangerous. What they might have done if swept downstream is anyone's guess.
  • A neighbour's daughter came back to her father's house in a canoe to rescue the Van Gogh and Group of Seven originals and, she said, get the food from the  fridge.
  • A CP train derailed when a bridge collapsed, apparently because the gravel it was built on had been eroded. Six cars carrying a diesel-like substance were in danger of falling into the Bow River, being carried downstream and posing a danger to anything in their way, including, one imagines, other bridges.
  • A week after the flooding, we were surprised to learn that some of Daniel's friends had just been evacuated again. It turned out this was not because of the flooding, but because a gunfight broke out in their neighbourhood and a police bullet hit a gas meter, giving rise to fears of a serious gas leak.


Thursday, April 11, 2013

Offers you can't refuse


I used to get offers in my inbox almost every day, to purchase little blue pills at low, low prices, or to lengthen my penis, or to find a nice milf in my neighbourhood.  Nowadays, this no longer happens. Since I retired, the algorithms that determine what offers I receive seem to have deleted sex and now target desires presumably deemed more appropriate for my age group:
"Full Set of Authentic Mink Eyelash Extensions by a Master Technician" (from WebPiggy)
I kid you not.

Understanding the Economist


I've been reading The Economist assiduously every week for a dozen years or so now. It is a wonderful magazine, full of reliable information, expert opinions and analysis; and it is beautifully written, clear, witty and unrelentingly clever. Although it is impeccably edited and can almost never be faulted for bad style or typos, ever so often I would come across a sentence that I had to read over two or three, or several, times, before I could make sense of it. This happens with most densely written prose and I thought nothing of it, apart from enjoying later the satisfaction one feels when a difficult puzzle has been solved.

Recently though, either because something has changed at The Economist, or because I am in some sort of linguistic decline, I seem to be finding sentences whose meaning eludes me pretty much completely, even after several rereadings. The other day I came across this, for example:
Very few of HMV's customers only ever purchase music from HMV.
"Very few only ever do it"? What does this mean? For some reason, I can understand the very similar "Most of HMV's customers only ever purchase music from HMV", which I think means they never buy music from anywhere else. So I imagine the original sentence means that few customers never buy music anywhere else. But now that sounds strange. I guess the majority do buy music elsewhere. Maybe it means "Most of HMV's customers also buy music elsewhere."

Headlines


It's amazing how much fascinating stuff is going on around the world. It's not just wars and revolts and murders and economic distress. There's much much more if you look carefully. Some of my favourite recent headlines [I am updating this from time to time]:

"Fake Cookie Monster faces charges, media storm in NYC." (USA Today)
"Kids who swallow magnets may pose health risk." (CBC) 
"Rainfall warnings ended following freak snowstorm, heavy rain, small tornado." (Calgary Herald, June 2012) 
"Swan linked to Chicago man's drowning." (CBC) 
"Air Canada pilot who put plane into nosedive was still groggy from nap" (National Post)
"My partner won't use sex toys to pleasure me anally." (The Guardian) 
"Jail violates blind sex offender's rights, judge rules." (CBC) 
"Camel gifted to French President mistaken for food, eaten by family." (National Post)  [You wonder which family...]
"Beaver bites man to death" (The Telegraph) 
"US sex offender posing as ex-football player spotted in Ontario" (CTV News) [Question: How do you spot a sex offender posing as an ex-football player?]
"Board told to review case of officer fired for urinating on colleague" (CBC)
"New app prevents incest in Iceland" (Toronto Sun)
"Mormon bishop uses Samurai sword to defend neighbor" (Toronto Sun) (More details: "He said that when he came face to face with the suspect, the man stopped in his tracks. 'He was kind of taken aback to have this sword drawn on him and he jumped back,' said Hendrix, who is a bishop in charge of his local Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints congregation.")
"Dead Man Falls from Sky (Travel+Escape)" (Fox News; note category) 
"New Mexico teacher arrested after she locks boy in classroom and rapes him "(YourJewishNews.com (I kid you not!))
"Sewer capacity crisis may flush growth plans in Calgary's northwest (with map)"  (Calgary Herald) [Read all about the "Bowness sanitary trunk"]
"Giant head found floating in NY river not missing" (Wall Street Journal)
"'Ugly prostitute' reported to police. (BBC) ("West Midlands Police said they were contacted by the caller who said he "wished to report her for breaching the Sale of Goods Act".)
"Miss Utah wants U.S. to 'create education better'" (CBC)
"Brazilian man killed in his bed by falling cow" (BBC) ("The one-tonne cow was grazing on a hill behind the small house, in the town of Caratinga, when it stepped onto the asbestos roof, which collapsed under its weight.")
"Vatican offers 'time off purgatory' to followers of Pope Francis tweets" (The Guardian)
"Pregnant cat survives being shot several times with crossbow in Ontario; kittens die" (National Post)
"Texas is running out of execution drug" (Globe and Mail) 
"Ottawa doctor loses Order of Canada after sperm mix-ups" (CBC) 
"Fast moving snails spread deadly dog disease across UK" (BBC)
"I think my 54-year-old boyfriend is a virgin " (BBC)
"Great dads have smaller testicles, study suggests" (CBC) 
"Venezuela takes control of toilet paper factory to avoid shortage." (DigitalJournal.com) 
"Queen angry at police officers eating her Bombay mix, court hears" ["Palace officials sent a memo to royal protection officers warning them to “keep their sticky fingers out”, after Her Majesty noticed the snacks were disappearing, jurors at the Old Bailey were told."] (The Telegraph)
"Man tries to swap live alligator for pack of beers" (The Guardian) 
"UK's biggest' mud volcano worm habitat in Argyll loch" (BBC)
And not exactly headlines, but noteworthy quotes:
"The DoD DISA's ATO greenlights the Z10 and Q10 using BES 10 MDM on DoD networks," says BSG SVP in hope of a DoD RFP" (The Register)
"The rifle currently issued to our Arctic Rangers is the No. 4 mk1, which is a rear locking, controlled feed, cock-on-closing, box magazine fed bolt-action rifle." (National Post)

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Ah, Bing!


I realize that translations from some languages are more difficult for an automatic translation service. Still. I have a Thai friend who posts on Facebook from time to time in Thai and I cannot understand any, or any part, of Bing's suggested translations. Here's the latest:
"Does anyone have a seat to eat drink shop, Pattaya, sriracha, bangsaen row instructions? Request for academic work in the store, read and drink alcohol, virtual fotlot. (Translated by Bing)"
Of course, Google Translate doesn't do much better, though its suggestion is refreshingly different from Bing's:
"Yet each one would eat the some Sriracha Pattaya recommend it. I read in the academic and spirits served throughout."
One thing that's strange to me is that not only do the English versions make no sense, but they are (wildly) grammatically incorrect. Surely some sort of standard syntactic structure in the final product should be part of the translation requirement.

It doesn't help much to translate into other languages either. Here's the French version proposed by Google Translate, quite close to the English:
Pourtant, chacun mangeait la Sriracha Pattaya certains le recommande. J'ai lu dans les milieux universitaires et les spiritueux servis tout au long.

Translations from Chinese, for which Bing and Google presumably have more data, are not much better:

Images intégrées 1

Though, in support of Bing, at least the English here has a dreamy oriental hai ku cum Cat Stevens flavour.

For those eager to try their own hand at the Thai quoted above, here is the original: ใครมีีร้านนั่งกินดื่ม แถวบางแสน ศรีราชา พัทยา แนะนำบ้างครับ ขอแบบอ่านงานวิชาการในร้านได้และมีเครื่องดื่มแอลกอฮอล์เสริฟตล