Headlines

It's amazing how much fascinating stuff is going on around the world. It's not just wars and revolts and murders and economic distress. There's much much more if you look carefully. Some of my favourite recent headlines [I am updating this from time to time]:

"Fake Cookie Monster faces charges, media storm in NYC." (USA Today)

"Kids who swallow magnets may pose health risk." (CBC) 

"Rainfall warnings ended following freak snowstorm, heavy rain, small tornado." (Calgary Herald, June 2012) 

"Swan linked to Chicago man's drowning." (CBC) 

"Air Canada pilot who put plane into nosedive was still groggy from nap" (National Post)

"My partner won't use sex toys to pleasure me anally." (The Guardian) 

"Jail violates blind sex offender's rights, judge rules." (CBC) 

"Camel gifted to French President mistaken for food, eaten by family." (National Post)  [You wonder which family...]

"Beaver bites man to death" (The Telegraph) 

"US sex offender posing as ex-football player spotted in Ontario" (CTV News) [Question: How do you spot a sex offender posing as an ex-football player?]

"Board told to review case of officer fired for urinating on colleague" (CBC)

"New app prevents incest in Iceland" (Toronto Sun)

"Mormon bishop uses Samurai sword to defend neighbor" (Toronto Sun) (More details: "He said that when he came face to face with the suspect, the man stopped in his tracks. 'He was kind of taken aback to have this sword drawn on him and he jumped back,' said Hendrix, who is a bishop in charge of his local Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints congregation.")

"Dead Man Falls from Sky (Travel+Escape)" (Fox News; note category) 

"New Mexico teacher arrested after she locks boy in classroom and rapes him "(YourJewishNews.com (I kid you not!))

"Sewer capacity crisis may flush growth plans in Calgary's northwest (with map)"  (Calgary Herald) [Read all about the "Bowness sanitary trunk"]

"Giant head found floating in NY river not missing" (Wall Street Journal)

"'Ugly prostitute' reported to police. (BBC) ("West Midlands Police said they were contacted by the caller who said he "wished to report her for breaching the Sale of Goods Act".)

"Miss Utah wants U.S. to 'create education better'" (CBC)

"Brazilian man killed in his bed by falling cow" (BBC) ("The one-tonne cow was grazing on a hill behind the small house, in the town of Caratinga, when it stepped onto the asbestos roof, which collapsed under its weight.")

"Vatican offers 'time off purgatory' to followers of Pope Francis tweets" (The Guardian)

"Pregnant cat survives being shot several times with crossbow in Ontario; kittens die" (National Post)

"Texas is running out of execution drug" (Globe and Mail) 

"Ottawa doctor loses Order of Canada after sperm mix-ups" (CBC) 

"Fast moving snails spread deadly dog disease across UK" (BBC)

"I think my 54-year-old boyfriend is a virgin " (BBC)

"Great dads have smaller testicles, study suggests" (CBC) 

"Venezuela takes control of toilet paper factory to avoid shortage." (DigitalJournal.com) 

"Queen angry at police officers eating her Bombay mix, court hears" ["Palace officials sent a memo to royal protection officers warning them to “keep their sticky fingers out”, after Her Majesty noticed the snacks were disappearing, jurors at the Old Bailey were told."] (The Telegraph)

"Man tries to swap live alligator for pack of beers" (The Guardian) 

"UK's biggest' mud volcano worm habitat in Argyll loch" (BBC)

And not exactly headlines, but noteworthy quotes:

"The DoD DISA's ATO greenlights the Z10 and Q10 using BES 10 MDM on DoD networks," says BSG SVP in hope of a DoD RFP" (The Register)

"The rifle currently issued to our Arctic Rangers is the No. 4 mk1, which is a rear locking, controlled feed, cock-on-closing, box magazine fed bolt-action rifle." (National Post)

Ah, Bing!

I realize that translations from some languages are more difficult for an automatic translation service. Still. I have a Thai friend who posts on Facebook from time to time in Thai and I cannot understand any, or any part, of Bing's suggested translations. Here's the latest:

"Does anyone have a seat to eat drink shop, Pattaya, sriracha, bangsaen row instructions? Request for academic work in the store, read and drink alcohol, virtual fotlot. (Translated by Bing)"

Of course, Google Translate doesn't do much better, though its suggestion is refreshingly different from Bing's:

"Yet each one would eat the some Sriracha Pattaya recommend it. I read in the academic and spirits served throughout."

One thing that's strange to me is that not only do the English versions make no sense, but they are (wildly) grammatically incorrect. Surely some sort of standard syntactic structure in the final product should be part of the translation requirement.

It doesn't help much to translate into other languages either. Here's the French version proposed by Google Translate, quite close to the English:

Pourtant, chacun mangeait la Sriracha Pattaya certains le recommande. J'ai lu dans les milieux universitaires et les spiritueux servis tout au long.

Translations from Chinese, for which Bing and Google presumably have more data, are not much better:



Though, in support of Bing, at least the English here has a dreamy oriental hai ku cum Cat Stevens flavour.

For those eager to try their own hand at the Thai quoted above, here is the original: ใครมีีร้านนั่งกินดื่ม แถวบางแสน ศรีราชา พัทยา แนะนำบ้างครับ ขอแบบอ่านงานวิชาการในร้านได้และมีเครื่องดื่มแอลกอฮอล์เสริฟตล

Deathbed Dreams

There are quite a few nice deathbed stories, but I really connect with this one, related by Theodore Dalrymple in The Telegraph:

The Rev Thomas Dibdin tells the story in his book The Bibliomania, or Book-Madness: History, Symptoms and Cure of this Fatal Disease (first edition 1809, 87 pages; second edition 1811, 782 pages) of a bibliomaniac who, on his deathbed, excitedly sent out for books from the catalogue of a bookseller, his obsession keeping him happy until the very moment of his death.

No more lunatics

In a rare show of bipartisanship and civic responsibility, the US House of Representatives has passed a bill to remove the term lunatic from American federal legislation. The vote was 398 to 1. The person who voted against the bill was from Texas, and he said, according to the BBC, and I must say, not altogether unreasonably:

"Not only should we not eliminate the word 'lunatic' from federal law when the most pressing issue of the day is saving our country from bankruptcy. We should use the word to describe the people who want to continue with business as usual in Washington."

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I don't think you won't find nobody

Justin Trudeau's campaign advisor, Gerald Butts, got very negative as he tried to defend Trudeau's remarks in 2010 about Quebecers being more Canadian than Albertans.

"What [Trudeau] was saying, which was not dissimilar from what he said in January ... was that Quebecers see a government that doesn't share their values," Butts said. "And I don't think you could walk down the street of Montreal and not find too many people who would disagree with that." (As reported by the CBC)

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Supermarket Banter

When I reached the cash register at my local Co-op, with my little stock of bread, fruit and vegetables, the cashier asked "Would you like Doris to help you with take-out?" Doris was a frail, smiling, grey-haired lady in her seventies, standing there all ready to bag. Co-op in Calgary, like Walmart and other stores, likes to hire lots of friendly retirees. The cashier himself, a huge black man with snow-white hair, a little out of place among all the ladies, looked to be in his sixties. I looked from one to the other and admitted I needed no help with take-out today, so they proceeded to scan and bag, smiling all the time in the friendliest sort of way. Doris then asked me, as she was no doubt trained to do, if I would be watching the Grey Cup in the afternoon. I knew it was the Western Conference final between the Stampeders and the B.C. Lions, but I like to be provocative, so I said, "Oh, no, I'll be watching tennis. It's the Davis Cup final, very important." Without missing a beat, Doris said "Oh yes, I was talking to somebody last night... Who was it now? Ah yes, my dad. And he was watching curling. I'd no idea there was even curling on, so what do I know? Eh?" And as she handed me my bag, her smile became even broader, more genuine.

Headlines

Another fascinating story picked up by the Calgary Herald:

Man maimed by crucifix he prayed to for his wife's cancer recovery.   Accident sparks lawsuit against Roman Catholic church in Albany.

And still they pray...